A big lesson for me
The other day I was reminded of a lesson that was really valuable to me. Several summers ago I got to spend the summer with fifty other college-age people from all over the country. It was a summer mission project with Campus Crusade for Christ. (its also the same place I met heather). We all had different roles there. One of my jobs was to meet with several different guys and just kind of get to know them and their life stories. Two of those meetings really stuck with me. They were both with guys who were remarkably passionate about their faith. As I talked to them about their stories, I was amazed at how their thankfulness and love for Jesus just flowed from their speach. And it wasn’t the kind of enthusiasm that seems like it might be made up. I could tell it was genuine. And there was a common theme that really stuck out at me from both of their stories. Both of their lives at one time had seemed hopeless. They both believed very deeply at one time that their life was useless and pointless. And that they were not worthy of being loved. That they were unloveable. Because of the bad things they had done, and the life they’ve lived, they both believed that they were, for lack of a more pleasant way to put it, scum. They both had what you might call “bottomed out” in life. This was when they learned about Jesus. And about his love for them. About how God loved them so much…individually….personally. And that those things they were guilty for….Jesus had taken care of those things when he died for them. Those things are forgotten through faith in Him. When those guys were shown that, and when they embraced it, their lives did a complete flip flop. And their passion makes a lot of sense. Here are guys who were staring hopelessness in the eyes. They were the type of guys who might strongly consider suicide, and now the best way I can describe it is that their thankfulness and praise for God is like honey dripping from their lips. Meeting with those guys and seeing their obvious love and passion for God made me desire that. One thing was clear to me, and that was that I was not like that. I was nowhere near as excited about God as these guys. Sure I loved the Lord, but it was clear to me that these guys had something that I didn’t. I knew I could not muster it up. I knew it was useless to go try to become as passionate as these guys. Instead I asked the question why. Why were these two guys so much more passionate in their faith than I was? Not long after those meetings I ran across a passage in Luke. I read the same passage a few days ago, and it brought the lesson back into my mind in a fresh new way. In Luke chapter seven, a wealthy, religious guy invites Jesus over for dinner (his official title was a Pharisee). This was a guy who probably thought he was a pretty decent, upstanding guy, as pharisees are noted for doing. He crossed all of his T’s and dotted his I’s. He probably did a good job at keeping religious rituals and going to church on Sundays and what have you. This guy got pretty disappointed when, at his dinner party when Jesus was the guest of honor, some lady comes in to his house off the street who is known to have “had a sinful life”. That probably means she was known to be a prostitute. This lady sat down behind Jesus down by his feet and began weeping. She brought a container of perfume with her, and she began to wash Jesus’ feet with the perfume and with her tears, swirling them around with her hair. The guy who invited Jesus over thought something along the lines of “if Jesus really knew this woman’s story, if he knew how bad she was, he would not let her do that. He would want nothing to do with her.” Jesus knew what he was thinking, so he told him a little story. Two men owed money to a certain lender. One owed him $50. The other owed him $500. The lender sees that neither has the money to pay him back, so he decides to cancel their debts. Jesus asks the pharisee “which one will love the lender more?” The pharisee thinks about it for a second and says something like “well, the one that owed him $500 dollars i guess.” Jesus replies “You’re right. Now do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” It made sense to me that Jesus wasn’t implying that the pharisee had few sins, and the woman had many. The key difference was that the woman actually understood how sinful she was, while the pharisee didn’t. When I read that on summer project years ago, that passage really landed its blow on me. I could see that there I was, probably identifying more with the pharisee than with the woman. I was a decent guy. I had never done anything really bad. I crossed all my T’s and dotted my I’s. I went to church and bible study every week. Those two guys that I interviewed, they had their chance to be in the woman’s shoes. They had scraped bottom. They had felt deep despair over their sin. And like the woman, they were overflowing with thankfulness and joy towards Jesus. Had I gotten a chance to speak with that woman sometime after she had met Jesus, I am sure her lips would be dripping praise and thankfulness “like honey” in the same way that my two summer project friends were. I know this lesson was teaching me that though it is really hard for me to understand, the sin in my liffe is just as wretched as anyone elses. My problem is that I didn’t see that. I was, and in many ways am still blind to it. I’m not any better than a prostitute, or a drug dealer. Since learning that lesson years ago my prayer to God has been “God please help me understand my sin, to be able to see it and turn away from it. And protect me from a self righteous attitude.” In many ways, during the six years since summer project God has done that. He has helped me see my sin in a deeper light, and has helped me turn away from it. And that has led to a more thankful heart on my part. I know though that in many ways I am still the pharisee, needing God to show me my sin. I suppose that will be a continual prayer for the rest of my life. I consider this to be one of the most powerful lessons God has taught me.
